Black Women Dating White Men
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I remember once in high school I heard a girl named Francine make a comment that she could only date "White Boys". I found this statement so disturbing that I can actually still remember, more than a decade later, the way I stood and gaped at her with disappointment and disgust, and the thoughts that were going through my mind.
I found it disturbing that someone, whether White or Black, Asian, Indian, Latin or other, would make a comment that they could only ever date people from one specific race.
If Francine had been White and making the statement, or if she had said she could only ever date "Black Boys", I would have been no less disgusted; because the idea I had then and now is that people are people, and when it comes to love, the mind should not set limits in place that scratch an entire race of people off your list of prospects. This, to me, is the real idea of colorblindness in love.
I had no issue with Francine dating White boys. I did have an issue with Francine choosing not to date Black boys; and that to me is the biggest flaw in the argument you will often hear from some women about love being colorblind when explaining why they only date men from one specific race. First of all, I have no problem with Black women dating White men. I am presently involved in a "developing" friendship with a gentleman who happens to be White,
so if I made such a claim to object to Black women white men relationships, I would essentially be engaging in hypocrisy. Furthermore, I would prefer that people did not need to defend their choices one way or another. If a Black women chooses a white mate that is her right and no one should feel they have a right to challenge her to explain why her partner is White. That being said, fewer Black women are in relationships with White men because the person they fell in love with just happened
to be White; and this is a matter I believe warrants deeper exploration to get at the heart of it and be able to explain why for some Black women, only a White man is "good enough".
My aforementioned gentleman friend asked the following question: "does it really matter why two people fall in love and take care of each other and give each other physical and emotional pleasure?"
I would have to say that in some situations the "Why" does indeed matter.
If I am in a relationship with you because I believe that my worth will be enhanced by being with you, I am essentially stating that I am not worth quite the same without you in my life elevating me to a higher status as I am worth without you in my life.
By no means whatsoever am I suggesting that all Black women/White men relationships fall into this category where the Black woman is with the White man because she thinks it makes her more "special" somehow to be with a White man.
I am fully aware that there are many Black women who are in relationships that just developed without any pre-determined will to only date a White man, and that there are Black women who have only socialized with White men for one reason or another, perhaps they were raised in a White neighborhood, went to White schools....
And by being on this site does not indicate a woman is limiting her choice to only one race. It indicates she is expanding her options to include other races.
But I do personally know Black females who believe that having a White mate gives them something to flaunt, and I find this to be very disturbing.
It seems to me that true color-blindness requires that there is no restriction set in place, no limit such as that set by Francine and other such people who will only date one particular race; and it is these Black women who refuse to date anything other than a "White" man who make the exploration of the question "Why?" a necessary undertaking.
So I am presently on a mission to find out from Black women like Francine who only date White men, just why they feel that only a White man can be a suitable mate for them. The results of my research will be published upon completion. In the meantime, if you wish to share an opinion on the question:
Why do some Black Women Only Date White Men?
Please feel free to post your comments on the message board
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